


Heroics are For Losers (And Dr. Slug)

by WhiskerBiscuit



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Board Games, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, One Shot Collection, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slug Might Have a Gambling Problem, Stolen Carnival Rides (Kind of)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-04-25 05:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14372085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiskerBiscuit/pseuds/WhiskerBiscuit
Summary: The many misadventures of an otherworldly being determined to offer more good to society, a reluctant reforming mad scientist (I'm here against my will, I swear!), a sweet, sleepy cotton-candy girl who packs a deceptive punch, and a failed experimental bear who knows only evil.These are the stories of White Hat and Crew. These are the stories of a heroic AU.





	1. Peanut Butter Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Slug makes a very, _very_ big mistake. White Hat has a very, _very_ big misunderstanding. 6.0.6. is no help as usual and Clemencia, well. Clemencia is the problem and the solution.

The house was shaking again.

Now, this wasn’t as uncommon an occurrence as one might consider – hence the ‘again’ tacked on as nonchalantly as any other noun. No, what was uncommon was that it wasn’t due to Dr. Slug’s periodic attempts at rebellion, nor 6.0.6.’s regular rampage whenever his lunch wasn’t on time. It wasn’t even the rarer moment of Clemencia’s ire, brought on only by threats to the ones she cared for.

No, this was the most unusual of all house-shaking causes. It was White Hat.

Dr. Slug should have expected it, really. He had been the one to plant that little stink bomb right behind his, ugh, his boss’ chair that morning. He had been the one creeping around that side of the building, waiting for the moment White Hat would set it off and he could have his moment of devious glee. And when it had happened, he had enjoyed immensely the sound of the inhuman screeching that resulted from the prank, a clear sign that the thing he was employed under obviously had some hint of a darker side if he could only dig deep enough to force it out.

With mirth almost leaking out of his cheeks, Slug had casually slouched back to his lab, in higher spirits and knowing that 6.0.6. would be blamed for the whole thing; he’d stuck some of the bear’s dark purple fur in the bomb’s vicinity to make it look stolen and not at all the mad genius’ fault. Even better, Clemencia was out getting groceries and would be in no place to scold him for it for at least a few hours.

So when he had just gotten settled at his favorite lab counter, pipette in hand, he was suddenly, thoroughly shook. Because that was the moment the house started shaking. And White Hat came seeping through the locked door like some amalgamation of goodness and everything that was right with the world.

He smelled like an overdose of Clemencia’s perfume to boot, which was the only thing that made sense because that was what Slug had filled the bomb with.

In hindsight, that had probably been the worst thing to use.

“DOCTOR! Oh Doctor, can you believe it?! Do you know what this scent is? Can you smell it, Doctor?” White Hat was speaking still half-reformed, his voice barely understandable in its unnatural shape. For once he was too worked up to notice or apologize.

“Smell what, my privacy getting flushed down the crapper?” Slug offered in irritation.

“I – oh, my sincerest apologies, Doctor, really, I didn’t think – but this was such a surprise, I can’t help but share it!” The boss was jittering in place now, far too cute-like for the creature he was. 

“Share what.” 

“Do you not smell it?! That wondrous scent I have been enveloped in! Oh, it’s so wonderful!”

“No, it’s really not.” Slug hated the smell of lavender when it was sprayed sparingly along Clemencia’s wrists. Right now he was literally choking on it. “Boss – eugh – are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you or are you going to keep stinking up my lab and wasting my time?”

“It’s her scent! Her _scent_ , Dr. Slug!” White Hat made a grab to shake Slug by the shoulders but was narrowly evaded. “Oh by the spectrals, I’ve been chosen! What a glorious day!”

“Chosen, wha– White Hat, it was just a stink bomb, what the hell are you talking about?” Something vaguely resembling regret was creeping up Slug’s spine. Maybe. He hadn’t had the feeling in so long, it was hard to tell really.

“Oh Doctor, that’s right, I keep forgetting your human traditions are so different but I – to think she was willing to show such devotion by using my customs! I’m not entirely certain how she learned this one in particular but! But but but, she’s chosen me!”

The otherworldly creature lifted his fisted claws and flapped them – _flapped them_ – with his whole face scrunched up and his sharp teeth biting his grinning lower lip in positive ecstasy. He opened his visible eye and gave Slug the most sappy look the genius had ever seen from him, which was saying a lot.

“You see, Doctor, scents are such valuable, personal aspects. It identifies everyone, every living creature; plants, animals, you humans, and – well, you know,” he took a moment to fix his top hat and look a little more distinguished and less like a school girl. “To share it, to willingly douse another in your scent, that’s the most honest declaration of love and affection one can offer! Oh, Doctor, OH!”

Oh indeed. Oh shit.

“Now hang on, hang on just a second!” Slug backpedaled so hard if it was literal he would have broken a treadmill. “You’ve got it all wrong, seriously! I didn’t know –”

“Of course you didn’t know, Doctor you silly, you’re a human! You can’t grasp the more subtle aspects of courting.” His boss giggled into his hand.

“If a lavender stink bomb is subtle then I don’t even want to know what direct is,” the genius muttered to himself. He glanced to the left wall, where 6.0.6. sat on his personalized bear bed watching the spectacle with dark amusement. “6.0.6., help me out here!”

The bear looked at him blankly for two seconds and then a devious grin split his face. He ‘broohed’ at White Hat for his attention and then said something that Slug didn’t understand. But whatever it was, it made things much, much worse.

“Oh you’re right 6.0.6.! I need to get ready! Need to get this house spick and span and perfect exactly for my dearest Clemencia! Dr. Slug, I am in great need of your assistance! Come!”

White Hat turned around in a lovestruck flourish of trailing coattails and trailing lavender. The doctor gave his experiment the blackest glare he was able and scrambled desperately after his employer.

“We really need to – this is a big misunderstanding – White Hat you need to listen!”

But White Hat was not listening. White Hat had descended beyond Cloud 9 into Clemencia 9 a long time ago. He babbled about setting up pink wallpaper here, setting a unicorn over in that room – “a real one, not those funny little human-made ones” – and making the house a paradise for the airy, candy-infused nuisance that got on Slug’s every nerve.

“¡JEFECITO!”

Both human and inhuman went screeching to respective halts at the sound of the mad doctor’s desperate shout. The word left a horrible taste in Slug’s mouth but he could think of no other way to get his boss’ attention.

It worked. White Hat turned around and barreled right into the genius, scooping him up in an overpowered hug.

“Oh Doctor, you’ve finally called me by that title! I’ve waited so long! Oh, first Clemencia makes her declaration and returns my affections and now you’re coming around! What a glorious –”

“She didn’t make any declaration!” He screamed into a blue tie.

“–day…what? What’d you say, Doctor? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“I said,” Slug pushed against the relentless embrace and managed to lift his masked face to make eye contact. “The brat – I mean Clemencia didn’t make a declaration. Of, of love. To you. That was just a stink bomb prank.”

“…What do you mean?”

“I mean I stole some of her perfume from her room yesterday, and filled one of my smoke bombs with it. I – I put it behind your chair this morning. To startle you. I thought it’d be funny, not – not that.” The doctor shuddered at the thought.

“You…pranked me? It was just a practical joke?” White Hat’s expression was rapidly dropping. His arms did as well, and Slug slipped out quickly, hunching in on himself and crossing his arms.

“Yeah…yeah I did. It’s like you said, I – I didn’t know about the scent thing.” Admitting ignorance was a hard pill to swallow, but he pressed on. “And neither does Clemencia. She’s just an oblivious human. A wretched, annoying human. But oblivious.”

“I see.” His employer tipped his hat until it shadowed his face. “In that case, allow me to apologize for my…misinterpretation of the situation. I’m sorry.”

He turned around and shuffled away, looking more pitiful than Slug had ever seen. It sent that vague feeling creeping up his spine again. He opened his mouth to say – something, maybe, he didn’t really know – when his boss suddenly stopped moving and the doctor tensed up, uncertain.

“Oh, Dr. Slug?” White Hat gave one rueful glance back. “That was an incredible prank. You…really got me good.” And then he melted into the floor. 

Slug wished he could melt into the floor for an entirely different reason.

...

“I’m home!” Clemencia pushed open the grand front doors with her shoulder and called out into the echoing building. “Hey, 6.0.6., give me a hand with these!”

After a minute there were footsteps, but not the heavy pouting bear footsteps she was expecting. Instead, who appeared around the corner but Dr. Slug, looking decidedly worn out and, dare she say it, sheepish.

“6.0.6. is busy right now. I’ll do it.” He took a filled-to-the-brim grocery bag from her arm and started trudging towards the kitchen.

“He’s busy? Doing what?”

“He’s just busy, okay? God,” Slug snapped and stomped similar to his usual behavior, and the girl rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“Alright, fine, sheesh. Calm down.” They made it to the kitchen and began the tedious process of removing frozen foods first. The mad doctor moved lethargically even for someone who didn’t like putting away groceries, and she couldn’t stop eyeballing him.

It wasn’t until Slug dropped a can of soup on his foot and yelled six expletives in three languages that Clemencia finally said something.

“Sooo,” she moved her mouth around the word, “did you and White Hat get into a fight?”

“No.” Out came the apricot jam; the doctor’s favorite.

“Okay, more specifically did you pick a fight with White Hat and it didn’t go your way?”

“…No. Not – no I didn’t.” Out came the peanut butter; the bear’s favorite.

“Uh-huh. And have you apologized yet?”

“Dammit, I said nothing happened!” Out came the honey a little more roughly; her favorite. 

“Then why are you sulking?” She pointed a bread loaf at him accusingly.

“I’m not sulking! That’s – that’s childish, that’s something 6.0.6. would do.” He brandished a shiny new cheese grater in defense – their third one this month, the darn things kept disappearing and nobody ever fessed up.

“Then don’t be childish, be more mature and go talk to your boss.” She snatched the honey and peanut butter from his side of the counter and started unscrewing lids.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making a sandwich, I was out for three hours and I missed lunch. I’m hungry.”

“Oh,” Slug lowered the cheese grater. “That makes sense.”

“What, you think I was gonna throw the jars at you or something? I just bought this stuff.”

“I wasn’t – I mean, how am I supposed to know what your mind comes up with? You’re really unpredictable sometimes.”

“And you’re really dense for a doctor sometimes.” She pulled out two pieces of bread and set them on a plate. The loaf heel she pushed into the doctor’s hands. “Here, give this to him, he loves the heels.”

“You know what? Fine, fine! Whatever.” Slug took the bread piece and stormed off, grumbling to himself. At the doorframe he yelled back, “Don’t forget to add the jam! That’s the best part, you weirdo!”

“Sure,” Clemencia laughed into the word. She started hunting for a clean knife, humming a spring tune happily to herself.

Two right turns and a hallways away, White Hat’s office doors sat unlocked and unintimidating as usual. But for Dr. Slug PhD, it felt like stepping through a portal to hell. He reached up one fist, hesitated, dropped it, raised it again, hesitated again, and then berated himself for the sudden bout of cowardice. Still, he clutched the little piece of bread to his chest carefully as a gloved hand finally hit the polished wood.

Silence. A beat – more silence. Then a quiet, mewling “come in, please.” Slug squared his shoulders and pushed open the doors, sealing his fate.

White Hat was slumped over his desk, eyeing the little Dippy Bird at his side as it dipped into a water glass and came bobbing up again, only to repeat the process. His gaze lifted to the door, and then his eyebrows followed.

“Dr. Slug? Is something the matter?”

Always the gentleman, he was offering concern for an employee even as he looked the saddest in the room. It sparked familiar anger in the mad doctor.

“Would you stop doing that?”

“Stop doing what?” His boss tilted his head just a little, very confused.

“Stop – stop doing that thing, thinking about others instead of yourself! Can you stop doing that for once? It’s infuriating.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.” And White Hat’s attention went back to the bird. Slug felt the urge to tear his bag up.

“No, don’t apologize like that, see you’re always doing it! You’re always, it’s so hard to talk to you when you’re like this!”

“What did you want to talk about, Doctor?”

“Oh, I, er…” This wasn’t going the way he was expecting it to. Nothing was today, it seemed. “Look, I wanted to talk about – what happened. Today. Earlier. That wasn’t what – I didn’t know how significant perfume, uh, _scent_ is to you.”

“You’re a human. There’s no reason you would know.” It wasn’t spoken anywhere near accusatory but it made Slug wince all the same.

“What I mean is, I know I do a lot of things you don’t like. I don’t regret them, probably won’t ever. But I…” Now or never. He swallowed his pride. “I crossed a line today. I didn’t know it was there, but it was still crossed. What happened, wasn’t my intention. I wanted to annoy you. Not – not hurt you.”

“Not hurt me,” White Hat echoed softly, still slumped but a little more contemplative. “I think…I understand what you’re saying, Doctor. It will, take some time for me to…work through my feelings about the incident. But I think,” he smiled, small and frail and glorious. “I can accept your apology. You’re forgiven.”

“I’m not – that’s not a –! You know what, fine. I’ll take it.” He realized he was still holding the bread. “Oh yeah, this is for you. If you want it. Goodbye White Hat.”

Slug crossed the room, dropped the bread heel on the desk, and tried to walk out without anymore words. But before he could close the doors, White Hat’s voice drifted through, a little less melancholy than before.

“Thank you Doctor. And please, call me Jefecito. It really sounded nice coming from you earlier.”

The mad genius growled a familiar “not on your life!” and slammed the doors closed, running off towards his lab.

Two left turns and a hallway away, Clemencia finished munching on her jam, honey and peanut butter sandwich, brushing off crumbs with a napkin as she sat perched on the kitchen counter.

“He was right,” she admitted. “Four ingredients are much better than three.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup everyone, I'm here with another AU! If you haven't already guessed it, it's Heroic! Hooray! Specifically, this interpretation is based on the wonderful art by [qtarts](http://qtarts.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, who you should totally go check out because it's amazing.
> 
> This series will be a one-shot collection, partly because there are so many other great Heroic multi-chapter stories here already and partly because I don't want to get in over my head. So, this will be updated kinda sporadically. Maybe within a week, maybe within 2 months, who knows.
> 
> Aaaanyway, hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading!


	2. Lo Siento!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6.0.6. has a little too much energy today. So does Clemencia. White Hat's solution? Board games, of course!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 100% fluff and I'm not sorry

_Today’s going to be a good day,_ Clemencia hummed contentedly as the thought popped in her mind. She was feeling particularly lively for once, what with the increasingly sunny weather, and so the girl skipped daintily down to the laboratory to visit her favorite mostly-evil duo. The door was unlocked for once, and she swung them open with a happy flourish.

“Gooooood afternoon, lovelies!” She sing-songed, left arm raised up in a rare display of energy. “It’s a great day, isn’t it?”

“No, it sure as hell _isn’t!_ ” Came the provoked response from a provoked mad scientist. Clemencia blinked airily at the strange scene before her.

Dr. Slug was desperately trying to keep 6.0.6. from climbing up onto one of his lab tables – the one filled with beakers and breakables, a staple of generic labs everywhere. He was failing rather horribly, since the gremlin of a bear had already successfully gotten a lumbering paw to knock over three glass objects to their deaths against the unforgiving floor. 

“What’s going on? What’s up with 6.0.6.?” 

“He’s – dammit!” There was the awful sound of broken glass as the experiment took out another beaker. “I zapped him with a ray an hour ago to look for side effects, and, urgh, apparently one of them is too much energy! _Help me!_ ”

“Oh, sorry!” Clemencia went forward and grabbed ahold of one big purple paw. She let out a huff of exertion as she heaved 6.0.6. away from the counter. The scientist joined her in wrestling the bear to the ground.

The experiment thrashed and snarled, no doubt cursing them in his animal language, but the two kept him safely pinned. Slug lifted his head briefly to check the mounted clock above his lab door.

“Since my calculations are always correct, I’d say that he’ll be like this for another half hour at least. I don’t–!” 6.0.6. nearly bucked him off, “I don’t know how to expend all this energy, but we need to do it if my lab’s gonna stay in one piece.”

“Why don’t we ask White Hat?” The girl asked, half-restraining the bear and half-snuggling him. “He might know what to do.”

“There’s no way I’m asking that goody-goody Lovecraftian failure for anything!” The scientist snarled at her angrily.

“Suit yourself,” Clemencia tittered at him. She stood up suddenly, leaving poor Slug to deal with his experiment all on his own. 

“Hey, where are you going?! Hey!”

“I’m going to find our boss, silly. It’s better than sitting here wrestling a bear until everyone’s tired.” She started to leave, and the scientist cried out after her.

“Wait, wait! How am I supposed to keep him down by myself?! What do I do?”

“You’re the scientist, right? You figure it out.” Clemencia went through the doorway and paused, seeing 6.0.6.’s eyes on her. “Hey sweetie, you wait right there, okay? Mama’s gonna go find White Hat and then we’ll fix it right up.”

Slug got this positively devious look on his face and bent over the bear’s ear. “Hey, my destructive work of anarchy, how would you like to come with us and ruin White Hat’s day, hmm? Wouldn’t that be nice?”

6.0.6. grew a piranha’s grin and jumped up instantly, dropping his creator like a sack of potatoes and crashing out of the lab. He loped down the hallway in whatever direction their boss was in. The two humans hurried to catch up.

“That, wasn’t exactly what I had in mind…” Clemencia frowned, looking a little worried.

“Oh stop whining,” Slug waved a hand in her direction as they jogged. “You told me to find a solution and I did. It’s not my fault it might traumatize White Hat at the same time.” The glint in his goggles told otherwise.

They hurried a little faster when there was a loud crash and a shout of alarm from their boss, and the two skidded to a halt as they reached an open supply closet where the noise had resounded from. 6.0.6. was stuck on the ground under a big metal object – a rollercoaster seat, to be precise. Above him was White Hat, dangling from a high shelf with only his powerful claws as leverage. He spotted the gawking humans and heat flooded to his face.

“Oh dear, can you – would you two be willing to help our friend 6.0.6 down there? I do hope he isn’t hurt!”

Slug and Clemencia both complied, lifting the piece of carnival ride from the irritated bear with much effort and grunting (mostly from the former). They managed to set the thing on its side as 6.0.6. darted away behind his creator’s back, digging vexed bear claws into the scientist’s shoulders and making him wince.

“Splendid, splendid, thank you both so much!” White Hat’s arms stretched and stretched, lowering his body to the floor even as his hands remained on the shelf. He touched the ground lightly and tried to turn around to say something, but was forcibly stopped by his arms.

They were still stretched up to the top of the room, and when the poor creature tried to pull away, the group learned why. His claws were still gouged in the woodwork, embedded so deep that he couldn’t release them no matter how he pulled. 

“Um,” White Hat said sheepishly, giving an uncomfortable look backwards. “Apologies but…there’s a ladder right, over there on the ground, yes thank you Clemencia! Would one of you be willing to, maybe climb up and help me get loose? Please?”

“I’ll do it,” Slug muttered, swiping the ladder from his colleague and setting it up against the shelf. He turned to Clemencia and pointed a finger. “Keep it steady and _don’t_ let me fall.”

“Oh ye of little faith,” she rolled her eyes good-naturedly and took hold of the railing as the scientist started climbing. 6.0.6. came up beside her to gape upwards, energy momentarily forgotten by the spectacle before him.

He reached the top and stared a moment at the bizarre position of his boss’ appendages. Fingers transitioned seamlessly into razor-sharp claws, which had created cracks so deep in the wood that it was a miracle the whole shelf hadn’t split into two. Bracing himself, Slug leaned into the wood and grabbed ahold of one hand, painstakingly ripping each finger out with as much force as he could manage.

When the very last claw from both hands was removed, White Hat retracted his arms into a more human appearance with a pop. He beamed gratefully as the mad doctor came back down.

“Much obliged, Dr. Slug! You are both such wonderful people, I’m so lucky to have humans like you!” He flexed his fingers and began picking out splinters nonchalantly. 

“What happened, dearie?” Clemencia looked between the still-angry bear and the abandoned rollercoaster seat. “And when did we have one of these?”

“Oh, I’m glad you asked!” White Hat smiled blindingly at his crush. “You see, I was standing right on that ladder over there and holding this lovely seat of fun – I was going to place it up on the top shelf, right up there, until I thought of a way to incorporate it into one of our products – when dear 6.0.6. came running in so excitedly! And just as I was going to greet him, he failed to see the ladder I was upon and knocked it right over, and it startled me so much I lost my hold on the seat!”

“So…my bear tried to make you fall and you dropped a rollercoaster seat on him.” Slug said, completely deadpan. His experiment huffed in concealed embarrassment and crossed his paws.

“I, er, I suppose so…in a manner of speaking, yes.” Their boss rubbed his neck.

“You don’t have to feel bad, hon,” Clemencia shrugged. “6.0.6. had his karmic retribution today, that’s all.” 

“That’s assuming something that dumb exists and that we actually believe in it,” the scientist responded as he smoothed some of the bear’s ruffled fur. “And that still doesn’t explain why – why do we even _have_ a rollercoaster seat? Where on earth did it come from?”

“Why, from that adorable little traveling carnival that just closed up last week,” White Hat supplied cheerfully. “I learned recently that they have no plans to pick up their business until four months from now, and I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for us to acquire such a festive object from them.”

Clemencia tilted her head at him. “I didn’t know they’d be willing to sell that kind of stuff.”

“Oh no, not sell, borrowed!” Her boss giggled behind his hand as if she’d told a joke. “I went by last night and picked it up. Nobody was nearby so I left a note!”

“You – you stole it?!” Slug’s jaw dropped. “The greatest do-gooder in the world went and stole a carnival ride, just because?”

“I didn’t steal anything, Doctor, I left a note explaining my intentions and I will return the seat as soon as we find a way to replicate the design and its way of attracting fun!”

“Holy shit,” Clemencia laughed, incredulous. The scientist next to her grabbed at his head.

“That’s not how borrowing works, that’s not – that’s not how any of that works! People don’t ride these things for the seats, they ride them for the _rides!_ ”

“Huh.” White Hat pondered this. “While I don’t understand what is so fun to humans about contracting motion sickness, or moving without direction, I suppose that…makes sense? Just another aspect of humanity that I simply don’t grasp, I guess.”

There was some snuffled growling and the three found 6.0.6. had grown bored of the conversation and was trying to chew at the rollercoaster seat. Slug groaned.

“Okay so…since we’re obviously not getting anywhere with that conversation, can we maybe move on to helping me out? Like I wanted?” He shot an exhausted glare in Clemencia’s direction, who shrugged and smiled airily.

“What assistance do you require, Dr. Slug?”

“Him! 6.0.6., he’s got way too much energy right now and I need a way to slow him down.”

“Make that a second order for me,” the girl declared. “I’ve been awfully motivated today and you haven’t given me any jobs lately, White Hat dear.”

Their boss swelled a little at the ‘dear’, but managed to keep his attention out of lovey-dovey land. “Ah I see, well, it’s been quite a while since we’ve all been here together outside of business, hasn’t it?”

“Very true.”

“Not my fault I’m doing all the work around here…”

“So!” White Hat clapped his hands once. “What if we all did something together to deal with this conundrum? Like, perhaps a game or some such thing. It’s been so long since we last played something!”

“A game?” Clemencia perked up at the same time Slug hunched over. “Did you have something in mind?”

“Not, not particularly, I’m afraid,” he admitted. Behind him 6.0.6. stopped mutilating the carnival ride and shuffled closer, curious but not willing to admit it. “But luckily I have the solution to this! Come!”

White Hat swept out of the supply closet happily and began walking down the hallway with purpose, and the remaining three had enough invested to follow him. They twisted and turned and finally came to another, smaller door. 

“Here we are!” The creature announced, opening the door and revealing a closet packed full of board games, card games, dice games, drinking games; everything one could imagine. As he produced a nifty little white stepstool with a snap of fingers, his scientist squinted at the overflowing shelves.

“Where and why do you even get half of this stuff?” 

“One must be prepared for every occasion, my dear doctor!” White Hat proclaimed as he started climbing. “And as for the ‘where’, well. Villains have no need for such trivial material possessions after they’ve been brought to justice, don’t you agree?”

“You’re robbing villains now?” Slug shook his head in disbelief. “Never mind, don’t tell me, I don’t wanna know. I’m not getting caught up in whatever you’re doing.”

6.0.6. nodded sagely along with the statement, and the three of them watched in silence as their boss began rummaging through all the games.

“Let’s play Twister!” He proposed from his spot on the stepstool. His head was halfway inside one cupboard and his words were muffled.

Clemencia and Slug responded in sync with “nah” and “absolutely not” respectively. They shared a brief, startled glance before turning back to their boss, who looked at them in sad befuddlement.

“Why ever not?”

“Because everyone sucks at that game except you,” the doctor grumbled. “6.0.6. can’t even fit on the map and whenever he does the spinner he just calls out the hardest moves, not what’s really there. And humans can’t _shapeshift_ like, like whatever you are. You always win.”

“Eh, and it’s just too much work.” Clemencia shrugged her shoulders really high. “I’m feeling lively, but not that lively, you know?”

“No Twister then,” White Hat said sadly, pushing it aside. He moved to the next suggestion. “Then, perhaps Apples to Apples?”

“No.” Slug nearly stomped his foot. “Clemencia cheats at that game, it’s never fun.”

“Wha – what makes you think I cheat?” The girl looked positively mystified.

“You don’t follow the rules when you’re judge, you don’t actually pick stuff that matches the card. You just pick whatever you like! There’s no way to tell what you’ll pick, you’re so wishy-washy.”

“Mmm, well I can’t really argue with you there,” Her eyes dropped to half-mast and she gave the scientist a sugary sweet smile.

“Ah, alright then,” White Hat sounded a little less certain. “How about Rummy? Or Poker?”

“I’m not much of a fan of gambling games,” came Clemencia’s murmured reply. “Slug tends to take them way too seriously.”

“I do not!”

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t, you wanna bet?!”

“Okay, okay,” their boss said placatingly. “No gambling games then. Um. Sorry?”

“Why the hell are you saying sorry, the brat’s the one being difficult.” Slug crossed his arms when his colleague leaned her weight against his side teasingly.

“No, I meant the game. Sorry. It’s for four players.” He produced the game’s box and they all thought it over.

“Well, we needed to pick something sooner or later.”

“I don’t give a damn, as long as nobody cheats.”

“Braroo.”

“That settles it then!” White Hat jumped off the stool and closed the closet door, looking very relieved with Sorry tucked under one arm. “To the kitchen! For maximum playing space and familiarity!”

So they set up the board game around the large kitchen island, all sitting on dainty-looking-but-far-from-it bar stools. There was a bit of a fuss over pawns, but only because Slug wanted red but wasn’t willing to move to take it.

Eventually, the colors went as such: White Hat as red, 6.0.6. as blue, Slug as yellow, and Clemencia as green. It was rather ironic, if one could guess why.

“Wonderful,” White Hat hummed while setting up his pieces. “Do we all remember how to play?”

“Of course I do,” the doctor snapped. His experiment made an indignant noise at his right side. “Fine, we both remember. Happy?” The bear huffed smugly with his eyes closed.

“No complaints here, boss.” Clemencia ran a pretty, painted finger around the tops of her pieces. “Shall we start?”

“Yes! Let’s start! I’m sure this will be a fine way to spend our shared time and remove those pesky ‘jittergies’!”

Slug’s brain actually stopped working. “I’m sorry, what the hell did you just say? ‘Jittergies’? What is that supposed to be?”

“Why, it’s a nifty little combination of ‘jittery’ and ‘energy’, don’t you agree, Doctor?”

“No. Just…no.” The mad doctor slumped in his seat. He snarled when White Hat looked like he’d try to be comforting. “Just pick up a damn card and start the game!”

Now, for those that have never had the misfortune of playing, Sorry is a…rather ruthless game. In theory it is designed for 2 to 4 players, ages 6 and up, and is a game ‘fun for the whole family’! But the reality is that this deceptive little monster of a board game is one of the biggest forms of argument starters and relationship breakers second only to Monopoly.

As three hapless souls and an eldritch soon discovered.

“Hey! You can’t do that!”

“Yes I can, the rules are right there on the card, see?”

“But, but you had the chance to pass me entirely! Why’d you stop just to knock out my piece?”

“It’s called Sorry so…sorry!”

“You’re not sorry at all!”

“While you two are bickering I’m taking my piece into home, thank you.”

“What?!”

“No way! How’d you even get that card?”

“I guess it’s just a lucky draw, heh.”

“Lucky my a–”

“Doctor!”

“WHAT?!”

“Raarrrrr!” _Your time has run out!_

“Hey, hey, what the hell you picking on me for! She’s closer, go for her!”

“Rrrrr.” _Nope, not on your life._

“God I really regret making you some days!”

“No, no see now Doctor? Right here in the rulebook, ‘the objective is to get all of your pawns across the board into the Home’! You can’t stray away from that goal just to take away my own pieces!”

“Like hell I can’t. You’re the superpowered one, suck it up.”

“Well then Doctor, I have no choice but to use my turn to retaliate!”

“Yeah sure, only way to do that is – what?! How’d you draw a Sorry card?”

“As Clemencia so wisely stated earlier, I believe it’s luck of the draw! En garde!”

“Dammit, why does everyone always gang up on me?”

“Maybe cause you start literally everything.”

“I didn’t ask you, brat!”

“That’s fair. Oh look, there goes another one in home, yay.”

“Goddammit!” 

It truly was a miracle that no one died that day.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
(But none of them could deny feeling a little more jovial afterwards)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a lot shorter and then White Hat's claws got stuck and we all learned he's not above stealing from unsuspecting traveling carnivals. The author is very disappointed in him, I promise.
> 
> I had to look up the Sorry board game to make sure it was manufactured in Mexico (because that's where they live) and it made me curious. Are there any games you've ever played that are probably only available in your country? (Or any country, I had a guy from Hong Kong once teach me a Chinese card game, it was awesome!) 
> 
> As always, this particular take on the Heroic AU is from [qtarts](http://qtarts.tumblr.com/)! Go shower them with love and White Hat hugs!


End file.
